If you want to do anything profound with your life, never wait for approval
William James, the 19th century American Psychologists is widely known as the Father of American Psychology. From his life-long career of studying and teaching on the subject of human behavior, he came to the conclusion that “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
As humans, we all hunger for approval and appreciation.
This reminds me. During my junior years in school, when I failed in an exam, I would hide my report-card far away, where no one could find it. If someone asked for my report, I would lie and say, “we were not given reports this time.” However, things we different when I performed well. Without even asking, everybody would know the mark I got. I would place my report-card in strategic places. I deliberately left open my report-card on the living room table or at the kitchen and stole glances from a distance to see who would find it.
Why was I doing that? As a boy, I hungered for appreciation. I wanted everyone who saw how I performed to acknowledge me. I wanted to hear things like, “James, you’re such a brilliant boy! I’m proud of you! Congratulations!”
Well, I know I’m not alone. If you take a quick reflection in your life, you’ll definitely remember a truckload of instances where you sincerely hungered for appreciation and approval. The reality is that everyone under the sun, from kings to presidents of countries to kindergarten kids hungers for appreciation.
In his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie noted: “Every minister, lecturer or public speaker knows the discouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an audience and not receive a single ripple of appreciative comment.”
The hunger for approval is real!
Now, as deeply as you and I want to be affirmed and appreciated in some way, it is important to know the fact that most people, including the people closest to you, are self-centered. The majority of people are so absorbed in their own issues and will not appreciate or approve of you. It is almost human nature to overlook the good and desperately search for reasons to condemn. We are so inclined to scratching for mistakes to point a finger rather than offering a helping hand.
Today, most people are in this unhealthy-frantic-competition where they are focused on out-doing the other instead of growing and blooming together. With this reality in play, many people who depend on others’ approval lose confidence in pursuing their dreams because there is no one to commend them. They let the craving for appreciation which they fail to receive stifle and extinguish their passion.
In spite of the craving to be appreciated being such a deep human need, I’ll tell you that if you want to go far in anything you’re pursuing, never wait for approval or appreciation. Be bigger than the craving for appreciation. Instead of focusing on whether someone approves you or not, focus on always giving your very best and moving on. Let the reason for doing what you are doing be the drive.
Let me leave you with this fact you might consider tattooing in your forehead: If you are waiting for people to cheer you on, you are giving away your power. However, when you grow beyond doing things to impress people or seek approval, you become a true leader, and most importantly, you begin to lead your life.
